What men do after sex?

2% eat;

3% smoke cigarettes;

4% take ashower;

5% go to sleep

and

86% get upand go back home to their wives.

===================================

Why is your penis better than a creditcard?

(a) Once spent it recharges itself.

(b) It is accepted worldwide.

(c) You can let your wife use it asmuch as she wants.

===================================

LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I just foundout that ourneighbour's sonhas a penis like a peanut!

MUM: You mean it'ssmall?

LITTLE GIRL: No it's salty!!!

===================================

A man was carrying 3 babies in atrain.

The lady sitting next to him asked:Are they your babies?

MAN: No, I work in a condom factoryand these are customer COMPLAINTS.

===================================

Women top 5 lies: from the whitestdown

5. I am a virgin.

4. It is so big.

3. I can't do that to my bestfriend.

2. I won't gain weight aftermarriage

1. I am coming! I am coming!!!

===================================

A guy goes up to a girl in a bar andsays: You want to play magic.

Shesays: What is that?

He says: We goHome, screw, and then you disappear.

===================================

What is the closest thing to a woman'speriod?

Your SALARY... It comes once a month,lasts 4 or 5 days,

and if it doesn'tcome, you are F*CKED!!!

===================================

Teacher asked: Which part of the bodygoes to heaven first?

A Kid replied : The legs...becauseeverynight I see my mum's legs up highand

screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".

===================================

Teacher: Why did you bring your cat toschool?

Pupil : Because I heard my sister's

boyfriend say, "TONIGHT I WILL EATYOUR PUSSY".

===================================

What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain?

Answer : When you pull down the stagecurtain, show is over,

but when youpull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.

===================================

AGES OF VAGINA:

16 TO 19 BRAND NEW.

20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED

29 TO 36 SECOND HAND

37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR

46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION

56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK

61 TO 70 CLOSED FORRENOVATION!!!!!!!

===================================

MUM: Didn't I tell you if a strangertouches your breast say "DON'T".

Andif he touches your pussy say STOP!

GIRL : But mum, he touched both,

so I told him DON'T STOP!!!!"